It’s been 2 months since I’ve posted anything, I actually had to look it up. I haven’t checked stats or anything. I’ve stayed away. Not just from this blog but from choices I had made to get and stay healthy. I had a lot of excuses: surgery, injury, being drained by family and the holidays, or just not feeling it. I’d get back on the treadmill every once in a while and lift weights when I felt like it but I’ve fallen. Food became a crutch for pain and for emptiness that I was feeling. I didn’t have a reason to and I just didn’t care, again. Out of the near 60 lbs I lost I gained nearly 30lbs back. A set back for sure. But I’m done with it now and for several reasons.
I am healthy. Over the last 2 weeks I’ve been getting back into my routine and I’m reminded of how strong and healthy I am. I still can sprint @ 10mph for 1 minute. I can run long distances, push myself just as hard as ever with my circuit training and I can feel that muscle is still there that took months to develop. I am healthy and I never want to lose that.
I want to be comfortable again. Clothes feel much tighter, obviously, and I had to dig out some of my old clothes. Not all of them, just a couple. I saw some pictures this morning of me from this weekend and I got really angry. I thought I had put that guy away. Time to lock him away for good.
My sister is a freak. She really is. 2 weeks ago she had the nerve to challenge me to run a half marathon with her on May 22 and I lost my mind and said ‘yes’. I know I can do 13.1 miles. Note the word ‘do’. I’ve always said I didn’t want to race because I didn’t want to run for that reason. I told myself and everyone around me that I wanted to run just for the fun of it and to get healthy. But honestly I was scared. I was scared to fail. I don’t know where that fear is coming from, it affects me in more than just the area of running but I need to address it, know it, and run past it. Pun intended. So I’m running again and working on getting faster. On Sunday I bought the most expensive pair of running shoes I have ever spent money on and they have felt great. I’m ready to push myself for distance and speed. I may be crawling at the end of that 13.1 miles but I will have given it my best on that day and all the days leading to it.
The last straw. While I’ve been keeping up with reading the posts of people still on their journey I was pretty determined not to do any more posts. I didn’t feel like writing and I didn’t see the need. I do see the need now. I checked on the blogs this morning and saw that Beej had made mention of me, that I had an impact on him. Did I really? Did I inspire someone? So I do this for me. To talk things out, to be open/exposed, and listen to suggestions. I do need to continue to write because it’s healthy for me to do.
So that’s where I’m at. Today I killed it on sprints in the morning and finally made the time to do an evening circuit training from which I almost died from. We’re having wonderful weather up here in the frozen north so I’m going to spend some time the nights I’m not circuit training to be outside and cut some brush down to get ready for summer projects. We will have grass this year, we will have grass. Thanks for everyone’s thoughts and concerns. You’ll be hearing from me very soon.