Category Archives: Journal

I am so dead.

Going back to double workout days is something I need to do.  Now I just have to convince myself that it’s something that I want to do.  I know I wanted to tonight because this morning’s sprints got cut off by the other one in the house that thinks she needs to run.  Oh, the nerve!  Oh well.  Tonight I did circuit training and included sprints as part of it.  6 sets and each topped of with a 9mph minute run.  I remember looking forward to Tuesdays when all I had to do is just run in the morning.

Something is still missing.  I had this mental image of being thin before that drove me so hard.  Not only did I look at myself in my mind as thin but I felt it too.  I don’t have that feeling yet.  Maybe it’s the time of the year or something but I don’t have it.  Maybe a few weeks of these intense workout and I’ll get it back.  I just need to persevere and keep going.

Work was work today with a pinch of frustration added in for a little spice.  I love my job.  Not just the responsibilities but also the challenges.  I don’t have a job where it’s the same thing everyday.  New problems and questions come up all the time.  It is really fun  Today just wasn’t as fun and it was nice to take it out on the weights and the treadmill tonight.  Hopefully this will reward me in the near future.


Pushing through because it’s cold out!

Well, I didn’t get the 6 in one shot on the treadmill.  There were 2 phone calls and the distractions from the kids playing around.  I stopped at 2 miles knowing that there was an expectation of going to the hill in town to go sledding and I knew I could finish it up later.  The sledding was fun.  Good workout climbing up that hill, sweated out the jacket pretty good.  After soup for lunch, I got all bundled up and went for a 4 mile run outside.  Not quite a run though.  Last night was not the best night’s sleep and I felt worn out.  So I had moments of slowing down to a fast walk to catch my breath but it felt good to get outside for a run.  I’m sure I’ll sleep good tonight, as long as everyone else does…….


Last night I became fixated with a song on youtube.  Maybe by Oasis.  I personally preferred a live cover by Chris Martin and Noel Gallagher.   Now today the word ‘maybe’ is becoming a theme.  Over 2 weeks I’ve lost only 2lbs.  When one starts over with weight loss, is it typical not to see the big loss right away?  The one thing is that I never really left the water behind.  I stuck to it, drinking large mugs of it from morning until night.  Maybe it’s because I’m picking up where I left off with the weight lifting during my circuit training, doing things I’ve never done.  I was so sore for 2 days after my workout on Wednesday night.  Maybe it’s a hang-over from last weekend when I ate too much of a burger at one of my favorite restaurants.  Maybe I need to push myself more.

There, I’m done with the ‘maybes’  They’re all out and I’m moving on.  Yesterday I had a great morning with running my sprints.  I wasn’t able to do a follow-up exercise last night since I had to watch the kids but this morning I’m going to see how far I can run.  I’m going to try to push 6 miles, we’ll see how that goes.  MAYBE further.

I have no idea what the title of this post should be…..

It’s been 2 months since I’ve posted anything, I actually had to look it up.  I haven’t checked stats or anything.  I’ve stayed away.  Not just from this blog but from choices I had made to get and stay healthy.  I had a lot of excuses: surgery, injury, being drained by family and the holidays, or just  not feeling it.  I’d get back on the treadmill every once in a while and lift weights when I felt like it but I’ve fallen.  Food became a crutch for pain  and for emptiness that I was feeling.  I didn’t have a reason to and I just didn’t care, again.  Out of the near 60 lbs I lost I gained nearly 30lbs back.   A set back for sure.  But I’m done with it now and for several reasons.

I am healthy.  Over the last 2 weeks I’ve been getting back into my routine and I’m reminded of how strong and healthy I am.  I still can sprint @ 10mph for 1 minute.  I can run long distances, push myself just as hard as ever with my circuit training and I can feel that muscle is still there that took months to develop.  I am healthy and I never want to lose that.

I want to be comfortable again.  Clothes feel much tighter, obviously, and I had to dig out some of my old clothes.  Not all of them, just a couple.  I saw some pictures this morning of me from this weekend and I got really angry.  I thought I had put that guy away.  Time to lock him away for good.

My sister is a freak.  She really is.  2 weeks ago she had the nerve to challenge me to run a half marathon with her on May 22 and I lost my mind and said ‘yes’.  I know I can do 13.1 miles.  Note the word ‘do’.  I’ve always said I didn’t want to race because I didn’t want to run for that reason.  I told myself and everyone around me that I wanted to run just for the fun of it and to get healthy.  But honestly I was scared.  I was scared to fail.  I don’t know where that fear is coming from, it affects me in more than just the area of running but I need to address it, know it, and run past it.  Pun intended.  So I’m running again and working on getting faster.  On Sunday I bought the most expensive pair of running shoes I have ever spent money on and they have felt great.  I’m ready to push myself for distance and speed.  I may be crawling at the end of that 13.1 miles but I will have given it my best on that day and all the days leading to it.

The last straw.  While I’ve been keeping  up with reading  the posts of people still on their journey I was pretty determined not to do any more posts.  I didn’t feel like writing and I didn’t see the need.  I do see the need now.  I checked on the blogs this morning and saw that Beej had made mention of me, that I had an impact on him. Did I really?  Did I inspire someone?  So I do this for me.  To talk things out, to be open/exposed, and listen to suggestions.  I do need to continue to write because it’s healthy for me to do.

So that’s where I’m at.  Today I killed it on sprints in the morning and finally made the time to do an evening circuit training from which I almost died from.  We’re having wonderful weather up here in the frozen north so I’m going to spend some time the nights I’m not circuit training to be outside and cut some brush down to get ready for summer projects.  We will have grass this year, we will have grass.  Thanks for everyone’s thoughts and concerns.  You’ll be hearing from me very soon.

Not Quite Dead Yet

It’s been a while.  Life seems a little bit better and I’m taking the right steps in my weight loss.  I’m back to a consistent basis on the treadmill, although not to where I was before.  I changed up my sprints more for time than for speed as the speed was leading to a quicker end to our treadmill.  Yesterday I was able to have a rotation of 2 min @ 7mph, 1 min @ 5.5mph, and then 1 min of 3mph.  Not too bad.  It’s paying off too in a couple of ways.  First I had a health assessment and all my blood levels are great.  The only thing that was on the bad was my weight.  Second was playing basketball last night.  I used to play in high school but that was 20 years ago.  It’s a group of techs at work that get together every Tuesday during the winter and I was very nervous.  I’ve got no offense but I can set picks, play defense and make a good pass once in a while.  Another thing, I can run.  I run the court better now than I did 20 years ago.  Now my ankles were letting me know this morning I’m not the young man I once was.  But I was so charged last night when I got home to know I could run with the young boys and I plan on adding this to my routine, as well as the following morning’s walk to loosen up the ankles after barely getting to the bathroom this morning.

It’s good to have new stuff to do.  The exercise bike is gone now, taken back by my brother and his wife.   So I’m learning new stuff to keep active.  Life is so busy right now so it’s been really important for me to establish my morning exercise pattern.

As far as this blog, I’m not so sure.  Maybe I’ll get back to a once a week update just to keep myself honest.  This is my blog, for me, and while I know I don’t want it to get repetitive for me, I still understand how important it is to keep an accountability journal of what’s going on.  That’s the plan for now.

Time to go for another walk to loosen up the ankles.

This is taking too long

So suddenly life stinks.  It’s busy.  It is exciting.  It is sickening.  On Saturday I was able to run 4.5 miles outside and a pretty good pace.  My heart rate was between 140 and 150 the whole time.  It was a cool day but with a sweatshirt on I was comfortable.  But since then time has not been on my side.  Sunday was a day with the kids while my wife went away to shop and be alone.  Sometime in the afternoon a best friend from my childhood stopped by with his family.  He lives in San Diego so it is so rare that we get to see each other.  It was great to visit.  The rest of the day was taking care of sick kids and by the time my wife got home I just wanted to go to bed.

Monday was my brother’s birthday so I hung out with him and our dad to watch our beloved Vikes take on the hated Pack.  It has been so long since we had done anything like that.  My sister-in-law made a bean dip with some low fat cream cheese.  I kept it to a minimum and I have been eating pretty good.  Tuesday was the beginning of sickness.  I started to feel a cold coming on as my dad and I brought my car in to get fixed last night.  Another night of catching up with sleep.  Bummer too because my new running shoes came in the mail but I haven’t had a chance to really work them out.  I might have to send them back because I’m not excited about the cushioning at the ball of my foot.

Today was crap.  I woke up with a serious sinus cold.  But today was the first day of meetings of being on a committee that is revamping our company’s website.  Pretty big deal since 60% of our business is done there and that is growing.  Meetings were great but as soon as the last one was done I was outta of there.  I need more sleep. Not getting any with the kids going crazy today.  I just want to be out of this and back to normal.  When is that going to happen?

I’m really back now.

A switch was turned on today, this morning.  Maybe yesterday.  I knew it was turned on already before I got on the scale this morning and that driven part of me that has been gone for the last few months is back.  I had a 4 pound gain this week.  Embarrassing.  I don’t know why.  But I’m through with it.  I’ve snacked too much at work and ate too late at home.  ENOUGH!!  It’s time to get things reigned in and take control.  This won’t be a trigger for more depression.  This is a new starting point.  I have the same goal in mind and I will not stop until I get there.  Hopefully my computer won’t stop either.

This morning’s exercise was good.  Started on the treadmill at first but was frustrated right away with the noise that I got off and finished the workout on the bike.  Tomorrow begins the treadmill teardown.  I’m replacing a bearing, possibly the platform board, and adding rubber grommets at each junction to give it a tighter feel.

Eating was good today.  Getting back to my regular eating habits and ignoring the snacks.  I mentioned earlier this week that I’m getting the anger back.  Maybe it’s not anger.  Maybe it’s just a focus that I’m not used to.  It usually comes out with a look of determination that could be interpreted as a ticked-off look.  I just know what needs to get done and I am going to do it.   I’ve made my choices.  It’s time not to go back on them.  It’s time to follow through.