Tag Archives: frustration

An Appetite

Some days I can’t figure out why I can’t stop thinking about food.  And it’s not the bad food.  I found myself walking by the vending machine and the foods I used to love.  Chedder Chex Mix.  Peanut M&M’s.  Hershey Chocolate Almond Bar.  Kit Kats.  And then the pops.  Mountain Dew.  Pepsi.  Cherry Pepsi.  They no longer have a hold over me.  I don’t crave them.  It’s the healthy foods I crave but I’m still struggling with portion control today.  Too many cashews today.  I know there are worse things in the world to struggle with but it’s just a fact that the control is so hard.  The food still has a control over me and I don’t know how to stop it.  I’ve always have a hard time feeling full and no amount of water helps.  It’s really a mental thing, a daily effort.  I’m just glad it’s cashews, and not Doritos.  There is an excellent article about sugar intake and what the health consequences are.  Most is stuff already known but it helps to be beat against the head with it.  My sentence structure is in the toilet today.

Another day of sleeping in and I’m waiting for my wife to get back so I can spend an hour on the exercise bike.  Starting to get back to where I can’t wait to start working out again.  Maybe I need a good dose of that feeling of wanting something I can’t have……in terms of exercise of course.



Something has been ticking me off all week until today.  This guy I work with, sit next to actually, went on a prescription of diet pills on Monday.  As soon as I heard this I had to ask another co-worker to make sure I settle down and don’t say anything stupid.  In my head at the time I was thinking that this is not the way to lose weight.  I’ve had a supervisor that has tried the stomach band surgery which failed.  I’ve had other friends who tried prescriptions which failed.  I’ve seen so many bloggers who were going to try this shortcut, that shortcut because they had 3 months to lose 80 pounds.  Those blogs stopped around week 2 if not before.  What seems to work best is watch what you eat, how much you eat, and you have to work your body into a fat burning machine with exercise.  I understand that there are circumstances where it’s not that easy but this guy was not in unreasonable shape.  (Sidenote:  I am having a self-perception problem with how much I weigh versus what others weigh.  I have in my mind that I weigh more than someone who weighs 20 – 30 lbs more than me.  Weird but great problem)  Anywho, I finally calmed down today and asked him about it.  He talked about his family history of heart disease and how the doctors were very concerned about his high blood pressure.  I mentioned that I was concerned about him learning to live his diet rather than following orders as well as incorporating some exercise.  It turns out he is looking forward to getting back into exercise and it became a pleasant conversation.  It sounds like he has a great support system and I will be excited for him as the pounds come off for him.  Am I still a little bitter that he’s ‘cheating’ versus doing it the way I consider to be right?  Well, why am I asking that question in the first place?  But I will support him and talk with him if he ever needs to.

This brings up another point.  My body.  I am so grateful that I’ve been given this strong healthy body even though I haven’t taken care of it over the last 15 years.  My joints and muscles are strong.  I never had diabetes, high blood pressure or cholesterol.   I wasn’t on any medication and the doctors said I was in general good health.  If I didn’t change I’m sure the problems would have come up soon.  But now as I continue to push myself in exercising I am amazed with how much my body can take, how much it has left to give.  I don’t know why God has been so gracious to me but I’m thankful and plan to take care of this body to the best of my ability.  It’s been so long since I’ve felt this good, this strong and can’t wait to see what else is in store as the pounds slowly keep coming off.

Now to go beat the crap out of the exercise bike!

Pity Party

I seem to have to fight this a lot.   Right now I’m fixated on how tired I am and wondering when I’m going to get rest with how much exercise I want to get in.  Why am I so worried about this?  I think I’ll try to get a bike ride in tonight with the family, not worry about watching a Biggest Loser episode tonight and go to bed early to get the rest I need.  I’m such a routine person and have my mind made up for what I want to do for a week, a day, or an evening, that anything that gets me off track gets me in a frustrated mood.  I need to learn the word “adjust” and keep that in my head when these moments occur.  I have to be flexible to life and hopefully it will be flexible back to me.  I have no idea what that means……..

This weekend’s family reunion was too much fun but much, much too short.  Everyone noticed the change and there was some good conversations.  Particularly with my one cousin with whom I talked with for a couple of hours.  She was interested with the hows and what has worked and not worked for her in the past.  We went over the ‘not worked’ and what the reasons were.  This cousin was very close in high school and I miss her not being around.  It would have been fun going through this together although all she needs to lose is 20 – 30 lbs.  She can do it because she’s just as stubborn as I am and has a determination like no one else I know.  She just needs more info.  Maybe now that I’ve got her email we can do this from afar.


My body is not into it at the moment.  I didn’t work out last night.  Too tired from some short nights.  I did wake up at 5:30 this morning to go for a run but for the first mile and a half I had a hard time pushing myself.  It’s like my body was taking too long to wake up.  After that I did find my pace and got my heart into a great rate between 140 and 150.  While it bothers me to be in the blah time of how my body feels I know it will be temporary and that I just need to push through.

Excited about this weekend as there is a family reunion at my parent’s cabin.  Not much exercise planned after this morning’s 4-miler but there will be a lot of activities.  We don’t sit around too much (although standing on the dock fishing isn’t too active either) and I’m hoping to get in a lot of moving around with all of the families there.  If it’s only old folks that show up then we might be leaving early and let them have their time around the fire together and keep the little ones away.

Have a great weekend.

Pushing through

Back is still acting up but I was able to get my HIIT in this morning on the exercise bike.  It’s not uncomfortable but the soreness is just there.  Tomorrow morning I’m going to go on the treadmill and get some incline walking in.  Might be the last exercise for the weekend as we are going away to my parent’s cabin for our anniversary.  A well deserved break from it all, especially with what happened today.

We had a couple of inspections done on the house today.  The first was a pressure test for the plumbing and that past with no problems.  The second was a house inspection and we had a couple of flags come up.  I heard about it from work and my stress level went up.  We’ve been trying to close on this house for 6 months and it is just crazy how many roadblocks come up.  I feel like I’m fighting for my life to get things done and then we wait and wait for others to do there part and then it comes back on us again.  After a few phone calls to get our carpenter here and to straighten out some people on why we can’t close on the house on the bills we owe them, I felt some relief.  They’ve been sympathetic and understand we’re doing all we can and facing a government system that is just broken.  If there was a bag of chips in the house, I don’t know what would have happened to them.  So grateful that we had a soccer game to go to and other things that helped get my mind off all the stress of life around this house.  I’ll just be glad when it’s over.

It got me thinking about something regarding my exercise.  I’ve probably found a lot of comfort with my exercise because it’s something I can control.  Something I can do to fix things.  Does it fix everything?  No.  But I see results, in the mirror and on the scale.  I’m stronger.  It might be why I’m getting more focused with work.  Not putting in more hours since there is a cap to the 40 hour week but concentrating on my work.  These are something I can control to some degree.   It also helps me take a step back and look at this whole house situation.   Even with the struggles, I see that we put a great effort into this great house and were able to concentrate on all the details of putting it together.  We’re not done yet but it is quite an accomplishment when looking at the big picture.

I’m done rambling.  Time to hit the hay.

A little ticked

It’s been almost 5 days since the problems with my back started and they are still here.  Not that it’s crippling me to stay in bed or anything, it just twinges and causes cringes.  I slept in this morning to give it a rest and then was going to try some circuit training tonight.  Nope.  Got through two circuits and I could tell I wasn’t ready yet.  I could have pushed through it but that wouldn’t help me heal any faster.  I want to be able to do my sprints soon and this will not help.  So I’m expecting this week to be a set back week for my weight.  I’ve been 2lbs over my last week’s weight and I’m learning to accept it.

So where do I find motivation to not give up, to keep going?  2 instances popped up over the last 24 hours.  Last night my wife was at the park with the kids and they ran into one of our friends.  He asked her if I had lost some weight, that he could tell something was going on.  Then his wife chirped in, “Like a lot”.  The funny thing I find about this is that they didn’t want to ask me even though they could tell.   Like I would be offended or something.  Well, they are from North Dakota so…..  The other instance was on my way back from lunch and going up the stairs with someone I used to work with in the company.  She said she’s noticed but keeps forgetting to ask.

Once again, on the right path with the right mindset and the right motivation.  It’s hard to be motivated but to be unable to do anything right now but to watch what I’m eating.  Just need to push through and accept the push I get from others.

Chips, anyone?

I struggled today with snacking.  At work it was a creamy salsa dip with veggies and tonight it was Lay’s B-B-Q chips.  Did I binch?  No.  Just ate more than I should have.  I did great with the sweets, just half of a protein bar after this morning’s workout but the chips got me today.  So now the why.  I think it’s the house stuff.  We’ve been trying to close for the longest time and today we heard that a couple inspections MIGHT get us the loan we really want/need.  I’m pretty good at hiding how much this is bugging me on the outside but it got me on the inside today.  Pretty sure I kept close to my calories as I missed some of my scheduled snacks due to a busy day and then I made up for it with my exercise.  It’s just the idea that I let it take control of me like that.   I don’t like that at all.

Workouts felt great today.  My muscle workout before the HIIT went really well as I added some harder variants to the mix.  For my HIIT I did 8 reps and felt very strong.  This evening was a little more difficult.  I had the kids tonight while the wife went out with the girls as she most deserves to do after being here all day with them.  I thought I could sneak a workout in while they were up but I learned better 5 minutes into it.   So I started a little later than I wanted to.  I wanted to have Wednesday night be yoga night ( a thank you to my sister, Ingrid, for getting me into this)  My butt got kicked the first time I did it 2 weeks ago and we were going to share a DVD with my sister-in-law but it hasn’t come yet.  So I burn 700 calories in 42 minutes on the exercise bike.  Yes, that is my final calorie count after taking 50 calories off the total.  I really sweat good when I work out on that bike.  Hopefully we’ll get one of our own when I reach my goals and use that for maintenance.  I’ve been told that the treadmill is taking too much abuse from me.  =)